Asher's World: September 2013

Here he is! Asher Harris Smith made his dramatic entrance into the world September 6th, 2013 at 5:04 pm. He was 8lbs 9oz and 22 inches long. God has blessed us and Asher is amazing!

ASHER!

At 10 days after birth there are so many things I would like to share it's hard to know where to start! This blog is for all things Asher. Now that he's born I decided he needed his own space to share with the world. My other blog will be for my thoughts on life and not necessarily always on Asher. Although I know Asher will teach me so much about life. So far he has taught me how deep love can be for someone you barely know. It's strange how in a matter of days your heart feels a new deepness that you never knew was there. Those who are parents understand this I'm sure. I had an appointment yesterday and left him home with drew. I text like every 10 min asking how he was. He's a baby. He's with his daddy. He's fine. But my heart literally yearned for him. I am reminded of when I first knew I was in love with drew. My heart literally ached to be with him. This feeling is like that but now it's a little person made from both of us. Asher.

The Birth Story (some of the gory details)

We had been praying that God would bring His Wisdom to our doctor. We wanted her to make godly decisions even if she wan't a believer. (Which I'm not sure if she is or not) At my appointment she said because Asher was already 8 pounds and ready to come out but still growing, she thought if we wanted to induce we could possibly do it that Friday or the following Monday. When I got to work I received a phone call saying we were scheduled for that Wednesday for induction. That was 2 days earlier than what we had talked about. I was confused, but knew God was in charge because we had prayed it, so we decided to trust that decision.

Wednesday September 4th we took the day off work and got ready to head to the hospital. I wasn't nervous as I knew nothing could go wrong in the hospital (meaning, if it does, they could fix it) and honesty I had no idea what to be nervous about. I'd never been admitted in the hospital before so it was all new to me. We headed over around 7pm and they got me registered and admitted to labor room #7. The nurse told me that was her lucky room and she had her baby there. I loved that nurse. She was on duty twice while I was in the labor room. I had no idea how long I was going to be in there.

Wednesday night they gave me a progesterone strip to help soften my cervix and told me to get some sleep. I did, and when they woke me in the morning I ate breakfast and the on call dr checked me and said I was barely dilated to a 1 or 2. They started the pitocin.

This drip starts at a 0 and goes to a 20. It's a slow process. The room I was in had no windows. It did have a clock, but that didn't seem to matter. There was no time for me in that room. At some point my contractions started coming every 30 seconds, but I felt nothing. The nurses didn't understand why I wasn't feeling anything. I'm still not sure either. But I wasn't really dilating. I was praying for a supernatural childbirth where you don't feel much pain, so I was thankful for God blessing me with all of Thursday with no pain.

By Thursday night my dr. came in to check on me and said I was smiling too much for labor. :) We talked for a bit and decided to break my water. Then I could get off the pitocin, eat, walk around and hopefully my body would naturally kick into labor. She broke my water which was the strangest feeling. I had no idea so much water could be inside of me! At my ultrasound the tech told me there was plenty of fluid for him etc. and sometimes they have to watch that because it gets less as the pregnancy goes on. So I assumed there was like a few cups or something in there. Holy moly, the more I moved around the more water that came out. My dr. waited for a contraction to come to see how I was feeling. She said it was a pretty sharp one, but I still felt nothing. She couldn't believe it. Almost always when the water is broke the contractions get intense but not for me! So she let me eat and walk around which felt great.

Once I was ready they started the pitocin again. They had to start all over at 1 and bump it up a bit at a time all night. At some point I started having small cramping on my right side and they asked if I wanted my epidural. I knew I would want it eventually so I said sure. I was a little scared because I had heard stories of how this can go wrong etc. I told the man that I didn't know if he was religious or not but many of my friends have prayed him into heaven already. "God bless the epidural man!". He laughed and I told him my vote was still out there but we would see. He told me I would feel a bee sting pinch and I did and then it was over. My legs were numb, but I could still move them. It wasn't bad at all. I was so thankful!

After getting the epidural I fell fast asleep..not sure for how long but I remember waking up and seeing Lou (drew's mom), Laura (my sister/cousin) and Drew all curled up on chairs that were pretty uncomfortable. They were all sweet to stay. Especially because nothing really happened for most of the first day. Then I woke because I was cramping a bit on my left side.

The epidural man came back and helped with that which was awesome. But then I noticed a strange pain in my anus. Yes, my butt was cramping. I asked him about those cramps and he looked at me with a sympathetic smile and said he was sorry but he couldn't do anything for those. The epidural didn't work on your rectum. This was bad news.

I looked at Laura and she said she was sorry because she had them there too and she thinks having rectum contractions is a family trait or something. That was not cool Grandma M. I can't imagine she had them and STILL had 15 kids. No way. But that's where I was, so I was breathing through.

Not sure how long I had to breathe through those contractions, but I know Laura, Drew and Lou were all around me helping me breathe and coaching me through them. It was not fun. Eventually my dr. came ( I imagine by this time it was Friday afternoonish?) and checked me again and I was at a 7. It was only a short time after that and I was at a 10. Time to push.

There are no words to explain child birth. Up till this point, it wasn't that bad. I mean, the rectal contractions were awful, but with help, I could bare them. I had no idea what I was about to do once I reached the number 10. For some reason I thought I would just be pushing a few min. 15 MAX. I've heard stories and knew sometimes it could go fast but of course not for me....

I remember having so many crazy thoughts during those 2 hours of pushing. I wondered why all the pregnant moms had lied to me about this part. I wondered why no one had told me how this was like being tortured like a prisoner of war. There was an 8lb baby in me (with a very big head) that wanted to come out a very small entrance. So I pushed. I thought, "Why oh why would anyone do this twice? There are millions of kids to adopt. Why would they put themselves through this once they knew how painful it was?". I was very, very confused. The pain was crazy. There are no words to explain it. I literally had an out of body experience as the dr. and nurses would cheer me on during pushes and remain silent during rest times. We tried several ways of pushing. We had handles that I would grab and try to do sit ups during the contractions, there was a bar that we put a towel around and I would try to pull myself up to the bar, we tried squatting a few times. Everything that we tried (in my eyes) was NOT working, he wasn't coming out. I kept saying how I didn't understand why he wasn't coming out. There was a student that was helping and this was her first birth experience. She kept giving me cold wash clothes on my head. I was completely drenched with sweat. I felt like I was pushing my eyes out of my head. The dr. finally asked drew to count for me. I was to push through a 10 count. I remember doing this a few times but only hearing drew count a few numbers because again, I was out of my mind. But about the 3rd time I heard him say, "1...2...3...4...5..6...7...7...8...." wait a minute....did he just count 7 twice?!?!? OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!! But I was so out of it I couldn't yell at him. I tried to give him an evil look but I'm not even sure I did that.

About 1 hour and 45 minutes into it (this is a total guess cuz it felt more like 3 days), Dr. W asked if I wanted to have a mirror brought in. I told her I didn't care. By that time, I really didn't care. I just wanted him out. I didn't care how she did it. I wanted to tell her to do a C-section. I wanted to tell her to get the vacuum. I wanted to tell her that I couldn't do it. That I was too tired. That I didn't have it in me. But I wouldn't let myself say "Can't". (I attribute this to Allen Durham from a lesson in college, so thank you Allen for helping me in childbirth. HA!) And I wouldn't let myself suggest anything to Dr. W cuz I knew she knew best. But I did feel all those things. I was so tired.

She brought he mirror in and I gotta tell ya, I know most people would think this is a horrible thing, but for me, it worked. I could see him. She let me feel the baby's head. She showed me how close he was to coming out and that if I gave 3 really good pushes we would be done. I got inspired. I could've cared less about all the other things I was seeing. I just knew he was right there and coming out soon. We gave a few more super duper duper pushes and at one point, out he came.

Several things that I didn't feel that I thought I would. The ring of fire. Many women say they feel the crowing of the baby and it burns like a ring of fire. I was waiting for that the whole time cuz I wanted to scream in ninja fashion, "RING OF FIRE!!!!". But I didn't feel the burn. Probably because she cut me, which I also didn't feel. Another thing is I thought his head would come out and then they would have to twist him and push his body out. With Asher, his head was bigger than his shoulders so when his head came out the rest came out with him. We have pics of this, I will spare you those details, but it is amazing.

Drew started crying when he saw the babies head. His hair looked curly and he kept saying, "He's got curly hair! ". This was before he came out so I was more like, "Pull it together man, we aren't done here". But once he came out and they put him on top of me, it was such a strange feeling. I didn't cry. I kept saying, "This is my baby" over and over. It was the most surreal moment to have a baby on my chest and know it's mine.

After Drew cut the cord they took the babe to wipe him down, measure him etc. And I thought the hell was over. Then came the placenta.

I knew I would have to birth the placenta. I had heard this, but I had no idea it was going to hurt like childbirth. So drew was over with the babe loving him etc. and I was once again pushing. Dr. W was pushing on my belly and I was pushing like I was before and the placenta wasn't coming out. She said sometimes with IVF they get very attached to the wall and it's hard to get them out. She eventually got it loose and out it came. It was HUGE! Sorry for the details, but it was pretty amazing. She basically gave drew a history lesson about it while I was laying there really wishing we could just finish things. She eventually had to stitch me up (which also hurt horribly) and then they brought the babe over to nurse.

Attached.

He latched right onto me and I looked at him knowing he was mine. I was totally out of it, but as I looked at this baby I couldn't believe he was mine. Totally mine. He nursed great and I looked at Drew and told him we had to name him. Asher was a name Drew picked at the very beginning of my pregnancy. I wasn't sold on it, but as he lay on my chest bonding with me, I thought that's who this is. Drew wanted to name him Cooper the last few weeks of pregnancy. But Cooper means 'Barrel Maker' and I knew this child would have a greater name than that. Asher means 'Happy, Peaceful and Blessed'. All during labor the nurses and dr's would say how happy he was inside of me. He was peaceful. Never once did his heart rate go up or did he seem uncomfortable. I told Drew he had to pick his name, and Asher Harris came to be.

Hospital Stay

I've never been in the hospital before so going in to have the baby I was a bit nervous. But I just decided to roll with whatever happened and listen to the nurses and everything would be ok. After giving birth the nurse had to me take a shower (where I almost fainted) and then they moved me to my recovery room. It was a small but nice room and I was happy to be out of the labor room. This new room had a window! :) Even if it was a view of the roof. haha. We were in this new room Friday evening till Sunday early afternoon. Everything in between is a bit hazy. I remember nurses coming and going, checking me, checking Asher. Asher at one point went for blood tests as well as his circumcision. He seemed to be doing really well. He slept good for a newborn and it was so nice to be in the hospital to figure things out the first few days. The nurses kept saying, "You won't remember this, but it's in this book..." they were right, I don't remember one thing those nurses told me but I do have the book they gave me. I wish I could remember more about that weekend. I was obviously tired but I wasn't on any medication so I should remember but it's all pretty much a blur. My body was messed up and confused after pushing out Asher. But I do remember them saying after 2 weeks I would start to feel better. 2 weeks...I can do that. Sunday, Drew and I woke up and started to get ready to leave. It was a strange feeling to leave the hospital with a baby. We tried putting him in the outfit that drew picked out for him, but it was a bit too big! So we improvised and called the wheelchair guy. As we put Asher in the car seat for the first time it was surreal to feel like there was a real delicate baby in our care. We put him in the car and he looked so small! But we were reminded as his head wouldn't fit into the special little head holder thingy that although he was small, he wasn't the smallest. He was a good sized baby that isn't going to break by me just putting him in a car seat. I thought it was strange to dress him in something special to drive 1 mile to our home, but as he sat there in the car he was so cute and still and amazing.

We pulled into our parking lot and that is when I lost it. For the first time it hit me. We are home with OUR baby. The baby we (and hundreds of others) have prayed for. The baby that God promised. The baby I thought would never be. We were finally home.

After sitting and soaking in the wonderfulness of promises fulfilled, we went up to our apartment to find balloons outside our door to welcome Asher home. Our amazing neighbor had blessed us once again. We entered our home and I cried again as I walked around introducing Asher to each room where he will grow and live. Drew and I prayed over him and just sat in amazement of God's goodness. He is SO good. It truly is amazing as my heart grows stronger everyday for this little boy. God has given us an amazing special gift. We are so blessed to have Asher Harris.

2 Weeks & Counting

Since that first day things have been...what's the word? Busy? Crazy? Tired? Yes..all of those words and many more. Delightful, lovely, wonderful...those are some words too that would describe living with Asher. We are in the middle of determining what time is day and what time is night. Yes, he would love college as he likes to stay up late with his eyes wide open at 3 am, and then sleep all day.
But we are adjusting and Drew is now back to work. I was blessed to have Drew's awesome mom with us the first week and then Drew took a few days off last week and now this week my friend Tomi is here. So thankful for the extra help as I've been feeling really tired these past few days. So onward we go into this new normal with Mr. Asher. He's a great baby. I will be updating here when I can.

We are so blessed.

A few pics of the cutie!